Colleen's Blog

What do you spend most of your time thinking about?

"How you look?  How you look to yourself?  How you look to others?"

"My husband, kids, co-workers can't do a single thing unless I monitor them."

"Those darn bed bugs in every bed around the world?"

Now let's break down the 24 hours in a day.  Some time is spent sleeping so we might have around 15 hours of waking time that we are engaged in conscious thinking.  According to a study by the National Science Foundation our minds are spewing forth 15,000 - 50,000 thoughts per day.  Most have nothing to do with the present moment, rather many revolve around the theme main theme of "past or future".  A lot of all suffering is based in our own thoughts.

Settle down, I'm not here to tell you to stop thinking.  Even meditators can't stop thinking.  But they do observe the thought and try and remain unattached to it.  Thoughts are a habit.  As Pema Chodron writes in her book Taking the Leap  "learning to come back (from being lost in thought), rather to return to being present, over and over again" is how to stop scratching that itch.  "We humans are like young children who have a bad case of poison ivy.  Because we want to relieve the discomfort, we automatically scratch, and it seems a perfectly sane thing to do.  In the face of anything we don't like, we automatically try to escape.  In other words, scratching is our habitual way of trying to get away, trying to escape our rundamental discomfort, the fundamental itch of restlessness and insecurity, or that very uneasy feeling: that feeling that something bad is about to happen."

Choose from a limited category of your most common thoughts... thoughts that give you a sense of unease and discomfort. May I suggest  

• Yourself (body, success, image, death)
• Money
• Your family/co-workers
• Other.....

Spend a week simply being aware of your thoughts in one of these categories.  Determine how uncomfortable you feel in your body....from slight to very uncomfortable while you think these thoughts.  Then ask yourself....is this thought true in the moment? 

I've been there.  You've been there.  From the smallest of decisions like "what brand of toilet paper to buy" (with or without a coupon) to "should I leave this job that pays all my bills but makes me feel crappy?"....we practice the art of making decisions constantly.  

When I work with a client who is at a loss on how to answer a question, or doesn't know what they really feel/mean, I tell them, "place your hand over your heart (or solar plexus area)."  Immediately, the person shifts into a softer, less anxious mode.  They connect with their body.  The mind, which had been in full control up to this moment, suddenly is in the back seat.  The solidity of body wisdom takes over. 

It really is that simple. The next time you find yourself fraught with anxiety over a decision, pause. Place your hand over your heart and pause some more. Focus on the sensation of your hand touching your chest; feel the pulse of your heart. Pause some more.

Go ahead, pledge allegiance to your self and wisdom of your body/soul and leave the mind behind.  The decision will be known.

Once upon a time, when you were six years old, you were really good at these activities.....

• summersaults over and over again in forward motion followed by attempting backwards summersaults
• plunking on a piano as loud as you wanted
• playing hide and seek and giggling the whole time you were hiding

This past weekend we had friends over for dinner and they brought their six-year old boy.  It's been a while since we've had six-year old energy in the house and I found him a joy.  His mind and body were completely engaged  the entire night as he went from one activity to another.

Playtime is still important for us big kids. Our social selves have gotten in the way of our playful selves and blocked out the part of us that feels free to simply be:

• The part that doesn't care a hoot or a toot about how others see us.
• The part of us that is curious about trying something and doesn't stop short with doubts and fears.
• The part of us that moves towards anything that grabs our delight

Playtime = a place for your mind to be free for a while.  Don't we all need a break from our minds?

This week add playtime to your schedule.  Here's how:

1.  Cross off one (or more) activities/appointments that you don't really want to do.  Or replace a habit you spend time on like checking your email every 30 minutes with something playful. 

2.  Now pause.  Breathe.

3.  What were some of your favorite childhood games/activities?

4.  Now go.

I'm getting my bike out now to ride no-handed and I've already got a smile on my face.  Leave a comment and let me know how you played this week. 

Space to day dream.

Space to breathe, exhale, then breathe again.

Space to just be....without clutter, without jam-packed schedules, without commitments?

I have returned from a wonder-filled adventure in the Yucatan that included kayaking, snorkeling, chile rellanos, margaritas and of course, sand, sun, and beautiful water. Since returning, I don't feel really excited by much around me.  I see two knitting projects I was going gang-busters on before Trip, that now leave me going "blah."   All my energy is being used up at my work and when I go home, I simply want to yawn and relax.  Thankfully, my schedule has been easy this week with just one post-work meeting.

My fab coach buddy, Max Daniels, suggested how helpful it is to take time to integrate the experience of the travels with my "real" life.  So integration for me means lots of sleep and no TV or other media.  I also know that until she told me to simply be in the spaciousness of this post-vacation time, I hadn't fully allowed myself to be in it.  In other words, I had fallen into the trap of needing to justify my existence by producing results.  Results that look like:  food in the fridge to provide a home-cooked meal; trash and recycling bins taken out to meet the schedule; bookkeeping responsibilities for the small business my husband and I own, etc, etc. 

Is that what I am, a manufacturer of results?  Ickkkkkkky.  I sure didn't feel like a manufacturer while on vacation.  I sure didn't need to justify my existence.  I simply walked around in a swimsuit from one activity to another.

I'm looking for more space in my physical surroundings and in my mental and emotional world.  Where do you need more space?

It's time to revolutionize the concept of Think Tanks.  I've been reading Martha Beck's new book "Finding Your Way in a Wild New World" about the 4 technologies of magic. The concepts of Wordlessness, Oneness, Imagination and Forming can take us into the ever evolving dynamics of this grande world we live in and it's inhabitants.  In a wild new way, beyond the help of think tanks.  Let me explain.

Driving home last night from Tai Chi class I heard a story on public radio about the horrors of the Syrian government's non-stop killing and torture of protestors including children.  They described the interviewee as being part of a think tank.  I start shaking my head.  The think tanker being interviewed certainly sounded knowledgeable and compassionate about the Syrian situation. But what good is knowledge if there is no change? 

The term think tanks originated in the 50's, affiliated with various corporations, universities, ideological and social sources to promote research and advocacy for human rights, political and social concerns.  I'm not going to answer if they have been useful, because I haven't done a speck of research. 

I thought about the concept of Imagination, (yes, capital "I") and how Martha describes this as a "muscular, active practice of creation" on a universal level.  Way different from imagination of the mind. "Wordlessness logs you onto the Energy Internet.  Oneness sends you a message about what you might do with your life.  Using your wayfinder Imagination is building a new website based on that message.  It means working with the laws of nature and the laws of what we now call the 'supernatural' to transform the life  you have now.....Learning to use your wayfinder's Imagination if good, hard, life-changing play."

What could happen if we all got together in groups around the world and practiced this in what I call "Imagination Gardens."  The metaphor being obvious.  Peace.  Community.  Healing the earth. 

I'm playing with the idea of posting a virtual "help wanted" sign on my blog.  This is not about seeking to add to my staff of one; rather a practice to bring out a side of me that as a rule is kept hidden. Since you asked, because I'm independent, liberated and oh so bery, bery stubborn.  I'm strong, physically and mentally.  Isn't asking for help a sign of weakness?  Well, I don't need to dig too deep into that question, because I know it's me vs. me.

So let it begin this social science experiment. 

The research question: What if I ask for help and receive it? The mission is to clearly express what I need help with, and then without attachment, allow the space to receive.

The hypothesis:  Here's where I would say what I expect from this.  I expect to have fun; feel creative energy and experience moments of struggle.   

The procedure:  Step by step proof what I did so I can implement the same procedure again if I need to repeat the experiment. Oh, this will be repeatable.

The results: Standard science reporting says this is where the numbers show up.   I'm going to post follow-ups and any quantum physics disturbances as well as leaps of faith.

The conclusion:  What did I learn by asking for help and without attachment, receive.

First Help Wanted post:

I'm interested in spending a month or two during the summer of 2013 volunteering for an organization either here in the US or elsewhere.  Can you suggest organizations or better yet, provide real contacts and stories of real experiences you've had with said organization?

What's in it for me? 

More giving and receiving.  Enrich my life by immersing myself with other fellow humans that could need a helping hand.  Live with them, by them, through them.  It's one thing to give money to an organization to help, Haiti or Japan, following their horrendous natural disasters.  I'm all about gathering experiences and not "stuff."  I have a few close friends who traveled to New Orleans to help in food kitchens after hurricane Katrina and they experienced deep satisfaction connecting with people who lost everything in the floods.

If you could ask for something, what would it be?

Can you list 10 things that delighted you last month?  Last year?  How 'bout yesterday?

As you begin the list, ask yourself, "why was this experience delightful?"  You'll probably have a viscereal connection to the memory of the experience...your face will smile, your energy will pick up, if only momentarily.  You're body connects with the delight.

Late December, husband and I took a tour of a specially designed, eco-friendly home.  It's a small home, and it took a few minutes to scan beyond the crowd and take in the new space, but my eye caught something so apparently crazy, I stopped still.  What's that?  Right there in the kitchen, a swing.  Two metal chain links connected to the ceiling with a red swing hanging below.  And it was empty. 

Not believing fully what I was seeing and wondering if there was a weight limit,  I quickly asked "can I swing?" The host replied, of course, and explained the scandinavian philosophy for healthy living  includes bringing the outdoors inside during those long cold winters.  I pushed others aside to get to the swing and proceeded to stretch out my legs and arch my back.  How incredibly wonderful. My entire body was smiling.  This body experience was delightful to me.

I want more delightful moments.  Daily delights.  Outrageous delights. Why not ask for more delightful moments this year?

Feeling comfortable? 

Before answering that question, just pull out your blender and plug it in.

If you're feeling comfortable in life, in your relationships, in your career, your busyness, your fitness regime, in your to-do-list, in your faith, it's time to shake things up.  Taoist philosophy teaches all of life exists in duality.  Night, day.  Summer, winter.  Love, fear.  What would you say the opposite of comfort is?  Being alive. Living and breathing our true nature.  Comfort often keeps us locked into habits that don't serve our soul.  Habits keep us unconscious.   

Now, add all the ingredients of your life you've checked off as "comfort zone" and add to the blender.  Or start with just one.

In my twice weekly team training class at 6:30 am my wonderful fitness trainer dictates the exercises for the entire hour long class. Casually between reps she says, OK, "take a rest" and in the next nanosecond instructs us to begin the next exercise.  She knows we don't want to be in our comfort zone....why else are we getting out of our warm bed early and paying money to be told to hold a one-armed plank for a minute?

Try changing one habit in your life for a week. Maybe drive home from work in a different direction.  Put down the novels you've been reading.  Look around at the meaningful relationshiops in your life and and see who and what wants attention from you. There are a zillion adjectives to describe your life.  Is comfortable the one you want to choose? 

Now press the power button.

• This word is all about passive/aggressive energy. YUK. 
• does not uncover truths
• ultimately ambiguous; that's messy business

My case rests in this final question:  Whose "should" is it?  Is it your mother talking?  Is the moral majority speaking for you?  Cause I'm telling you right now you don't own what you mean when you use the word "should." 

Told Husband I was banning this word and why.  In the days following our conversation, he found himself stumbling over the word every time it came to his lips.  Same thing happened to me when I became conscious of my choice of this word.  Sputtered and stammered to come up with a replacement word.  (go ahead, try it).
Truth be told I wasn't saying what I really meant and how I really felt.  I was being evasive.  uh huh. 

Suggestion:  When you utter the word "should"; stop; breathe; ask yourself what you really mean to say and own it.
 
Carry forth and do be kind to yourself.